Saturday, 3 October 2009

Expressing myself...

After trying to write my reflection of the Gospel yesterday evening I again felt the disappointment of being unable to express what I really want to say. In preparation I often read the passage a few times in the say before and ponder the Word. Some idea about the Gospel passage then starts to form, and I get exited at the prospect...

However, then when I start writing I seems easy enough to start, to set the scene, and to try to put situate the Gospel and top prepare the way for the real point I want to convey. However, then when it actually comes to the point I want to make suddenly everything seems fail, and at the end I most of the times walk away being disappointed in the final result... another example was last week when I didn't really get to a point at all.

That was part of reflection yesterday evening when the all the students in the house came together to do a Holy Hour. What is it I want to share, and how to share it?

I really belief that writing anything on my blog has only value if it can potentially make a difference. The reflections I write I try not just to be some interpretation of the Gospel event, but try to convey how they invite us to a deeper relation with God.

So I try to write my reflections by attempting to express how the Gospel passage can touch our soul, how it can lead us toward a closer union with God. However, more and more I start to find out that it might be impossible to put those experiences in words. It is like the look into the eyes of somebody you love, the experience it produces in your soul. It is an experience that is hard to reflect upon, and even harder to describe so another can understand. And even if that, it is not just enough another understands it, but also that this other is touched themselves by it and opens up their heart and maaks a decision to try and walk the same road.

So maybe what it is, the imprint of God on our souls, it is the experience of the encounter of a person you love. Maybe it is real like that, but at the same time unreal if it comes to expressing it. It is this touch though, this encounter that makes God real. It is the inner joy that this touch brings forth, the deep piece it creates in the soul, the feeling of being home of being held in the arms of a mother. The serine power, which flames up like a furnish, consuming us; one of my favorite quotes: "there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot." (Jer 20:9 RSV)

Maybe this is a way of expressing it, I don't know, but it is defiantly a fire burning within, the fire of love, the fire of God, the fire that is God, and this fire wants to spread! The gift of God's love is immense, and it is given to all. If anybody read my brief testimony can form his or her own opinion on my objectivity, but this is not something I have been brought up with. It is through the call of God, the Grace of Him, that I am were I am, and therefore I know that it is real! God invites everybody into communion with Him, like He did with me, and the burning fire of His love is available to all... if only we would accept... and maybe for my part in spreading the news, if only I knew how to express... and trust in the Lord...
"And I have put my words in your mouth, and hid you in the shadow of my hand, stretching out the heavens and laying the foundations of the earth, and saying to Zion, `You are my people." (Isa 51:16 RSV)
So my next attempt will be to write a reflection on the Cave, written by Plato. I think the analogy will give me a good framework for another attempt on the journey of a soul towards God, so hopefully there will be a series on that in the next few weeks...

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